No Posts for about 2 months. Well, thats awkward! Of course it is for a reason, that most of you already know. I wasn’t lazy. I simply wasn’t capable of collecting all the emotions and tide of events and speak about them. Neither could I displace them. So I did - not nothing - but waited and reflected about the closer events.
About 2 Month ago ( the time i stopped writing, but you could easily replace writing with living ) i received a letter from the highly famous Filmakademie in Ludwigsburg. I was shocked. I was one of the few 28 People out of ~thousand who got the chance to make an examination. I felt very uncomfortable with this new situation after 5 years of working. I never actually did except that to happen. To be more exactly, they invited me as 1 of 3 people for the Masterclass. Tense situation!
So i stopped every ongoing project and most of my social contacts and worked my ass off to get prepared for the masterclass task. I spoke to a few students but this did make me feel more uncomfortable. I learned a lot during this time. About Software, Workflow but most important - about myself. For most of the studying guys this is hard to understand. But having an comparatively easy Job for over 5 years vs. exam situation in front of 8 directors and professors was pretty challenging.
I spend 7 days in Ludwigsburg and it have been 7 intense days but also encouraging ons. I fell in love with the city, the university itself, the students and the hard and challenging work. I was very confident and felt uplifted when leaving the City. The exam itself was short and painless. The leading professor even told me that my chances are great. I was happy! For the next 2 weeks while i was waiting for the letter of acceptance, in my head everything started to take forms. I already had quit my “old life” and lived only with a bright sight of the future.
But the letter never reached my destination. The other students i was still in contact with got their permission. I became very nervous, what threatening weeks! I did sleep poorly and my stomach went ill since the day i visited Ludwigsburg. I lost 5 Kilos of weight and even today i’m not recovered from this emotional stress phase. So i called them several times but they weren’t able to contact me via phone. After another couple of days of waiting they were able to scan my letter ( -.- ) and send it via eMail.
I was accepted. I wasn’t accepted. For reasons i will never get to know. To make my heartstrings complete, one day before i broke up with my girlfriend.
I felt really lost and couldn’t explain to myself what the reasons were.
But life goes on and even if this door is closed another one might open for me and for a brighter future.